The day they finally called the election I wept. The glimmers of hope I had since Wednesday had allowed some relief of the grief and trauma my mind and body had held for 4 years.
I had felt fhat this was an election that literally held democracy in the balance. Maybe that was the media telling me that. But I felt it. We all felt it. And so did the world.
To my astonishment, there were bells ringing in Paris, and there were fireworks in England! I was floored. Our post-WW2 Allies were ecstatic. They had looked to America to preserve democracy.
This was BIG. People gathered in my home city in front of Independence Hall.
this wasn’t about donald trump. He just represented what the underbelly of our nation has held. He harnessed that power and used it only in self interest.
The people made their mandate clear:
Science Prevailed.
Black Live Matters Prevailed.
Empathy Prevailed.
Our next leader has lost children, and wives. He knows grief. He has lived grief. He is our new Grief Counselor in Chief.
THAT is why people made him the candidate. It was also of course about policy; our health our ocean our planet. But it was so much more.
It was about grief for what we had always known.It as about grief we all felt. Losses of jobs, losses of life experiences. Loss. Lots of it.
Loss of A leader who cares. Who stares a pandemic in the face and makes a plan. Who condemns white supremacy, not embolden them.
People were crying spontaneously. With RELIEF. I was finally able to let go of the breath I was holding unknowing for 4 years. Now I found that I was not the only one that felt that way.
I finally felt an emotion I had not had in years: Hope.
We couldn’t breathe, the majority of us. Like George Floyd. THIS. is why George Floyd made such an impression so much so that people felt called to the streets.
“i can’t breathe” he kept saying.
“I can’t breathe” he repeated over and over
I hadn’t been able to exhale fully since 2016. Deep deep held in emotions many of us have had over the last four years.
In my opinion being an american this past four years has been outright disgraceful,
when i looked at the flag, that the leader had claimed to be his, that white suprremicsts had taken. i felt sick and ashamed
Yesterday the people spoke loud and clear. And took back the flag.
t seemed to me so morally clear this election. the planet, the ocean, the immigrants, the cruelty. The corruption of our government was at an all time high,.
Not everyone agreed on that, to my astonishment ;an estimated 70,000,000 people voted for an outspoken white supremacist calling for the Proud Boys and his supporters for violence. I can’t totally blame them; their news channel made the exact opposite claim, That the new leader would turn socialist and THAT would end democracy. That our present eader kept them safe. Prosperous. even those, especially those who werent’ prosperous ironically voted for policies against bridging the gap between poor and rich.
This election week, when I started to get hope I started having crying fits — this was my body literally “shaking off” my trauma the anxiety that most of us had been feeling for years, was palpable on election day, and remained so for the rest of the week.
My trauma response was in full blown presentation, but i knew that it would pass. When you see animals recover from what they perceive as a threat, they shake it off. My dog does this. He gets stressed. there’s a strange person in a hat. a kid on a bicycle. this will set him off. when I calm him down he does a big shake, and we move on,
He is completing the trauma response of that moment
To me, and some 75,217,944 others, the last four years felt like doom. My already traumatized system has been on high alert. I have been unable to concentrate, dysregullated. Between anxiety and sadness. Despair. Moments of happiness despite.
I have been so scared for the last four years, I didn’t know the extent, hence a surprise that i was so emotional
At our last grief circle, we did an exercise. With the prompt “ I lost _____”. We were going to write down THINGS I thought. I lost my job. My kids lost senior year and college, my protein drink store had closed. Career building moments were lost. That kind of stuff.
But at that prompt I got scared to write down what my mind and body were feeling. it was so much more.so much more deep,
I was supposed to be holding space for our circle, and then I read aloud what I thought was the least awful thing i had written. I lost faith in people. I lost hope. I lost enthusiasm for he future.
Maybe i shouldn’t have said that, I worried later. I was SUPPOSED to be the one calming everyone down.
but that is not the job of a grief counselor. Our job is to walk with you and your grief.m and we feel it too
